


Clean Slate

by Poshu



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Graphic description of birth, home birth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2014-04-04
Packaged: 2018-01-18 04:32:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1415248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poshu/pseuds/Poshu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock and female!Jim are having a baby. She goes into labor earlier than expected and decides she can handle it on her own.... until she can't. Spock comes home and has to pick up the pieces to ensure their firstborn's life is secured and his wife makes it through labor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clean Slate

**Author's Note:**

> Yes this contains a female Jim Kirk and when I was writing it I thought and thought about what to call her. But I settled on Jim for the time being since it seemed more intuitive to me, I left her name as 'Jim' since I came to prefer it.
> 
> You can pretend her given name is 'Jamie' if it makes you feel better about a woman with a predominantly male first name. I just liked it this way.

The trashcan closed as Jim emptied her bowl into it, eggs and toast spilled out into the receptacle. Her frustrated footsteps sounded across the kitchen tile, disappearing as she strode across the carpet and collapsed onto the couch. She was growing annoyed with her inability to eat. She couldn't get a bite down all day, and it was pouring down rain, such a bummer. She'd slept heavily the night before, finally able to get to a comfortable position. Why couldn't she manage to swallow more than a bite of eggs? She pouted for a small while, laying amongst the oversized couch cushions. Spock was gone on business for another day, she'd spent the weekend alone after nearly a whole day of convincing him she wasn't going to shrivel and die. She could barely get around, certainly Spock was right to worry about her fending for herself but she could have her damn pride, couldn't she? Just a weekend of quiet should have been so nice. She'd woken up refreshed, she could lay about all day and watch movies, or at least that was the plan. She didn't even get to the first action scene of her first film before she began rubbing her stomach. Some kind of cramp was starting, or this damn baby was shifting around again, seriously her spleen wasn't a foot rest. They'd been over this. The kid was outsizing her uterus at a breathless pace, she couldn't wait for it to be out. Just ten more days or so, Bones was sure another two weeks but Jim felt about to pop for the last five days.

In time the cramps drove her to the bathroom, regrettably rubbing her belly and abandoning the exciting shoot-out from a helicopter on the tv. She sat on the toilet, stretched her back, laid in bed, they wouldn't stop. She used the cocoa butter and some tea and anything else her denial could come up with before she admitted the obvious truth. Then the simple yet momentous decision was how to tell Spock. Or... should she tell Spock just yet? He'd only come rushing home and this would take at least twenty four hours. He'd be home before that without the added stress. Jim returned to the movie and watched for a few more hours before retiring to bed, expecting an uncomfortable but uneventful time before Spock returned. She didn't expect to be curled up in the bathroom whimpering, oblivious to the time when Spock returned. 

She didn't realize it was early for him to be back or when he picked up on her labor pains through the bond, certainly didn't understand he was bolting home. Her contractions were escalating, she didn't know how to handle the pain other than to just curl in a ball and take advantage of being alone with no one to judge her. There may have even been some tears of frustration, but it didn't matter, Spock didn't have to know about that. But then their front door slammed, heavy even through the layers of rooms between her and it. She groaned loudly, her current contraction was finally coming to an end, she didn't want to be seen in a ball but it hurt so bad she didn't want to move. 

“ _Jim!?"_ Spock's hurried footsteps peppered across the floor, he was running to her. Jim was almost afraid of seeing him in this fat blubbering mess. He appeared in the doorway, dark, tall, stoic... and bolting towards her. 

“ _Jim, Ashaya_ \--” his hands were on her, sitting her up as he looked over her, his eyes betraying his cooled features. Panic and fear reflected in his widened eyes. 

“How long has this gone on? Why did you not inform me immediately?”

“I-I didn't want to-- I thought.... it was fine, I was fine.” you know, right until she wasn't. Spock nearly sighed. 

“Jim we agreed.”

“I'm sorry.” she slumped a bit in his arms, her face screwing up. Spock pet her hair back, there was little point in arguing over it.

“It is in the past now. How far apart are the contractions?”

“I didn't fucking time them! They're getting worse, we need to get to the hospital right now!” she'd have gone on her own but she wasn't in any condition to move. Besides it had been under eight hours since she started, there was no point in running off to the hospital just to sit in pain in some nasty gown for another twenty or more.

“Ashaya, calm yourself.”

“This is calm dammit!”

Spock withdrew whatever he was about to retort. He knew he had to handle Jim with patience and gentleness right now. He'd been warned that women in labor are liable to shriek and lash out at innocent bystanders or worse, those administering help. They couldn't be reasoned with and the only method of handling them was calmness and placidity. He sat her down on the toilet.

“I'll get your things.”

“Good.... mn.... _mnnngh dammit"_

“Jim? What is it?” Spock's eyes were sharp as he looked over his shoulder. Jim shook her head, rubbing her abdomen. 

“I'm contracting, just get the bags!”

“It has been less than three minutes since your last one.”

“ _Nghhhh_ \---” her knuckles grew white as she gripped the nearby sink counter and grit her teeth. “Dammit Spock if you just get them then we'll be ready by the time it's over!” Spock didn't budge.

“What the hell are you waiting for?”

While he could note how hypocritical Jim was being, he knew she was one poorly received opinion away from being completely uncooperative. He stepped towards his wife as she struggled through her contraction, ignoring her irritated swearing, he crouched before her and reached between her legs.

“What-- the _fuck are you doing?"_ She attempted to clamp her legs shut and squirmed away from him. Spock gripped her by the hip, holding her against the tank. Jim exhaled slowly, an almost growl-like sound.

“ _Get off me."_

“Jim, I believe you are dilating.” he tried to be as gentle as he could as he pulled her underwear off and reached two fingers into her, forking apart to get an estimate of how far open she was. Chilling news, she was more than five centimeters at least. Another feel and Spock was sure she was at least seven centimeters dilated. 

“Get you-- Get your hand out of me, I'm having another one.” Jim gripped the counter, sitting up straighter, arching a bit as her breathing came quicker. Her face was red, her skin shown dimly with perspiration.

He withdrew, offering his hand to hold as Jim labored through another contraction. He opened his end of their bond to her, offering to take some of the pain away. He knew this stage, the transition stage of labor. It wouldn't last an hour and Jim would then be in active labor, their child would be born in three hours tops. His mind was racing through everything he had studied for this, yet time seemed to slow down. Transition stage, the symptoms returned to him. “Mother is tired and irritable.” “Mother may cry and begin to lose control at this time.” “She may panic or feel disoriented, nauseated, vomiting may occur.” “Uncontrollable shaking of legs.” “Hot or cold flashes.” His heart went out to his poor t'hy'la, suffering through childbirth. He wished he could make it easier than simply easing her pain. 

“Jim... you have reached the transition stage of your labor.”

“Amazing.” she huffed

“It will not last more than one hour, you know this. At the rate your body is accelerating... I do not believe traveling to the hospital is a viable option.”

her eyes widened at a perceived threat. “What?? Are you crazy? We have to!”

“Jim, I do not recommend that.”

“Well what the hell do you want to do, just have it here?” she stared at him almost angrily... but as she read his expression hers softened into disbelief.“You're not serious. You're not fucking serious!”

“I am.” else he wouldn't have said it. Jim looked at him with dismay.

“No! No, Spock! We have to go. Fuck it, if we go now--”

“Jim, there is nothing they can do--”

“Bullshit there's nothing! What if something goes wrong!”

“Then I will handle it.”

“What the hell are you going to do? You're not a doctor.”

“I have prepared myself extensively for this moment, Jim.” Spock sounded annoyed. “The purpose of going to a hospital was so you could receive drugs to assuage the pain of childbirth, however at this stage of your labor it is too late to administer such medicines. Aside from the added presence of a nurse practitioner, traveling to the hospital will most likely result in your giving birth in the car or the emergency room unattended. Think, Jim. It is after business hours, all of the gynecologists have left for the day, whatever skeleton crew remains at San Francisco General is busy with other patients.”

“What the hell is wrong with you? You don't want to have help? How is this fucking _logical_ to you?”

“I do not want to birth our child in a dim car or a disease-infested emergency ward.”

“And I don't want to die in my bathroom giving birth like the virgin Mary.”

“You do not trust me, Jim?”

“Don't make this about you.”

“I am not attempting emotional manipulation, I am simply stating the facts.”

“Real helpful.”

“Had we had the requisite time, we could have made the arrangements you desire but that time has passed.”

“Oh so it's all my fucking fault now.”

“I am not pointing blame, blame is illogical.” Jim rolled her eyes

“I thought I had time, how was I supposed to predict I'd be done in eight hours?”

“I estimate your chances of seeing a doctor before our child is born at 4.3 percent.”

“Suit yourself then, I'll go on my own.” Jim groaned and stood, or rather she attempted to stand and hobble from the room. She got three steps past Spock before another contraction sent her against the sink, knuckles white once more as she held fast to the counter, rump resting against it. Her legs were trembling, she was sweating, her breath came in fast pants. Spock watched curiously, assessing her condition, validating his belief that Jim wouldn't make it even to the nearest hospital's doctor before giving birth. She was an emotional wreck right now. He had to maintain calm control. He had to lead.

“Jim you cannot make it to the hospital in your condition, unaccompanied.”

“Are you fucking coming, then?”

“You must remain here. There is better lighting and I have my equipment to facilitate your birth.”

“Your lab gear isn't what I had in mind.”

“It is what we will have to use, Jim, sit down before you collapse.”

“ _I am not having my baby in a goddamn toilet!"_ Spock blinked at her as she hobbled through the door into their bedroom. He rose to his feet and pursued her. “We've wasted enough time already. Just call them, tell them I'm on my way.”

“Jim you are not dressed, you cannot drive in your condition, please reconsider.”

“If you won't drive me, then I'll have to do it myself. Unless you want me calling Bones back from Mississippi to do it, I bet you'll love that.”

He grabbed her by the arms then “ _I cannot allow you to do this."_

“ _Let me go!"_

He didn't bother telling her the chances of her crashing and killing either herself, their child, or both of them. His heart pounded at the idea. “Ashaya this is not the time to attempt to be strong.”

“Let go of me! I'm _not_ being strong, I'm fucking weak do you get it?” 

“I do, let us end this--” he was cut short as Jim buckled and collapsed onto the adjacent bed, another contraction. He scooped her into his arms, carrying her back to the bathroom. The tub would be best, the bathroom had bright lights and the fluids of birth could be washed away easily. Still his wife struggled.

“Jim, _please_ stop fighting me.”

“Why are you doing this to me?” her eyes were moist with tears, she was giving up or growing fed up with her powerlessness as she was want to do through her pregnancy. “I'm scared and in pain, why won't you let me go?”

“Jim I already stated--”

“ _I don't care, you're being an asshole. You know I fucking depend on you for every damn thing, why are you doing this to me?"_

Spock sighed and kissed her head. “Ashaya, Jim you are panicking. Breath with me, aduna.” She still flailed a bit but by the time her next contraction was over she was through with the angry huffing. Now her face looked pale and exhausted, slowly it must was dawning on her. It was raining hard outside, their doctor was in Mississippi, anyone the hospital would call in would be at least an hour to arrive after the forty minutes or more it would take them to get to the hospital in this storm. Not to mention the higher chances of any manner of collision on the road. Forty minutes to arrive, twenty to get processed, ten to get Jim in a labor room, another hour for a doctor to arrive, another twenty five for them to get sterilized and briefed before coming to Jim... their child would be born by then. And Spock simply would not risk the dangers required to get there just so he could deliver his own child anyway. He could do that here. 

“Jim... I simply cannot justify putting you or our child in danger when the benefits of going to the hospital are no better than remaining here.”

She had her head lowered, eyes obscured by her hair. “Even if we went now... and broke the speed limit.. called them on the way there...”

“Jim we cannot break the speed limit, especially in this rain, the chances of a fatal collision are over seventy seven percent.”

“I know-- just”

“But... yes, if we left now, a doctor would not make it to you before the baby was born.”

Jim exhaled slowly, then leaned her head against his chest. “I'm scared.” Spock pet her hair gently.

“I know, aduna. Be at peace, I am prepared to deliver our child.”

“Spock...”

“I witnessed several births on vulcan growing up.”

“Those weren't humanoid!”

“I've read every text I came across about human births, I watched every video, I spoke to Dr. McCoy extensively on the subject as well as the obgyn of starfleet's medical center.”

“I know I know, you studied more than I did.”

“Then trust me, Jim.” he sat her at the edge of the tub and started to fill it.

“We're doing a water birth?”

“It will be easier on both of us. Since I am the only one to help you... it will help you relax as well, Ashaya.” his fingers gently caressed her cheek. “Can you wait here for me while I gather supplies?” Jim nodded and Spock darted off, nearly running through their apartment to gather towels, a tray, a cup of ice and a spoon. A glass of water, a portable flashlight, his communicator, a blanket, a washcloth, and his case of lab equipment. Within there he had anything he needed to perform what any doctor at San Francisco General or Starfleet Medical would do. Scalpels, plungers, medical grade scissors, even a thermometer among other things. Spock took two trips to accumulate his bounty, by the second one Jim had completed another contraction. He rushed to her but she'd already stopped the water and slipped gently into the bath, her hands were on her shoulders as though covering herself, clearly ill at ease. 

“I brought ice for you to chew on.”

“Okay.”

Spock spread his supplies around him, got on his knees beside the tub, and kissed his wife softly. 

“All will be well, Jim.”

“...I know...” 

“I cannot offer you anything for the pain other than to take it on myself. You have progressed too far into the labor.”

“No-- no you need to focus.”

“It is not a problem whatsoever, Ashaya.” he knew she was going to be alone in this, he could do so little other than to hold her hand. He hoped he could be more useful somehow.... beyond that, seeing his wife in pain caused knots in Spock's stomach. He remembered clearly every time she was injured, he'd replay them for days in his mind before his nerves settled. Surely this delivery would be weeks worth of meditation if Jim didn't allow him to help...

She shook her head fervently. “No. I've only got you here. You can't.”

“Jim. Pain is a thing of the mind. I can certainly--”

“I'm not arguing about it!” her voice raised in pitch as she clenched her jaw in pain, her hand shot from the water and grabbed Spock's, squeezing too hard. She moaned and Spock counted for her, working her through breathing exercises until it was over. Grimly he resigned himself to his days of meditation after the baby was born. He could surely handle her pain for her, Jim was simply nervous and didn't want him overwhelmed... a logical decision though unnecessary. 

“They're getting worse.” Jim broke his concentration, her voice desperate.

“Then it is time. If you change your mind, Ashaya... you need only say so and I will take the pain from you.”

She nodded, squeezing his hand again. “Thank you... I'm sorry for yelling.”

Spock shook his head. “There is no need to apologize, Jim. You were rightfully panicked. I am sorry these are not the circumstances you envisioned for our child's birth.”

“It doesn't matter, we're here now... I'm glad you're here...”

“I would not miss it, Jim.”

“No I mean... I know you'll... make it right. We'll be ok.” her and the baby. Spock didn't reply but he did notice some inward relief. The idea that Jim, even in panic, didn't trust him was hurtful and a bit jarring. Perhaps he had irrationally responded to something implied while his wife was emotionally compromised. She wasn't exactly responsible for what she said while she was in as much pain as she was, though just what it felt like, Spock could only guess. He had hoped he could share that with her and understand just what women spoke of when they complained of birthing pain. They often used rather expressive language, he wanted to validate that. Humans often exaggerated their physical sensations.

“...I need to start pushing.” strange it was an instinct, almost like the irrefutable urge to pop a bubble or throw glitter. Jim gripped the tub, about to begin before Spock reached down into the water.

“Wait, Jim. Please wait--”

“Nnghh-- Spock I have to. No- Stop! I-- I _need_ to push!” something was coming over her, it was the same urgency one felt to urinate with a full bladder. Spock halted her and she nearly hissed. Didn't he understand or at least know better than to get in a laboring mother's way?

Spock would not be swayed. The last thing they needed was for Jim to have a false start and tear herself before active labor could begin. He spread two fingers inside her, getting three measures before accepting an average. “I believe you are correct, Jim. You are fully dilated.” he took her hand “It is time.” 

“So nice to have your blessing.” she sighed before she pushed for nearly a minute. Her face grew stern and focused, she grit her teeth, and her skin bloomed into a lovely bright pink. When it was over she groaned softly and laid her head back against the tub.

“It hasn't even been twenty minutes.”

“Indeed, and active labor should take two hours at the most, however we may meet our child sooner, perhaps within the hour considering the pace you have already set.”

“We never would have made it to a doctor, you're right... we'd have ended up on the side of the road doing this in the backseat of the car.” inwardly Jim shuddered at the idea of birthing in such a cramped space and ruining the interior of the car with god knows how many different fluids, not to mention being far removed from any comfort of home or supplies to handle a baby. And in the rain no less. 

“I am grateful you allowed me to keep you here.” Spock rubbed his thumb over her skin, watching her chest rise and fall as she breathed.

“Thanks... for having my back, Spock.”

“Thanks are unnecessary, my aduna.” he reached to his side and offered her some ice to chew on. She took a mouthful gratefully and crunched while she rested. She sipped any water he gave her and through her subsequent contractions he'd offer his arms for her to clench, wipe her brow, breath with her and offer encouragement.

“You are doing marvelously, Ashayam.” he pet her hair, his pride leaking through their bond to her. 

“You don't have to keep saying that.”

“I am not simply saying it, your stamina is admirable.”

“Yeah, you don't really know how hard this is, though.” she panted, looking haggard. 

“Is that a request, Jim?” 

“No, I'm just saying... how long has it been?” 

“Forty one minutes and twenty seven seconds.”

She took a heavy breath and closed her eyes, resting her head back on the tub's edge. “Almost over, right?”

“The child must still make an appearance, there is the crowning stage to overcome, that should be the apex of difficulty, from there it will be 'all downhill'.”

“Right. _Almost over."_ Jim didn't want to hear how bad it would hurt, it was hellish enough already without drugs. She knew Spock was kind of squeamish when it came to her being hurt, she was doing her best not to yell but honestly a scream or two seemed so satisfying right now.

“Would it better assist you if I were in the tub beside you, Jim?” their bathtub was certainly large enough, circular, porcelain, and with ample space they could conceive this child in it comfortably. She took many a relaxing soak here through her pregnancy, it was kind of fitting that she be here when it ended.

“I think you better stay outside, this water's gonna turn to soup when it's over, I'll have to take another bath.”

“Your fluids to not bother me, Jim.”

“Isn't that how we got here?”

“You are referring to our child's conception?”they hadn't exactly narrowed down which incident it was...

“Yeah-- hold that thought.” she grunted as another contraction came, Spock snatched her hands, watching as Jim braced her feet against the far side of the tub and pushed until her face was beet red. She gasped for air, pushing again with a fire in her eyes, an eagerness to finish this ordeal with more gusto than she began it with. Jim had a penchant for finishing strong, Spock had to admit he admired it about her. He could only watch and hold her as she did all the work, fighting the pain, delivering the child she had made by herself through the very body that grew it. He was in awe of her strength, she needed so little from him, he felt almost useless. He would never wish it on her but he knew if he was somehow unable to be here, Jim could deliver this child alone with little issue, perhaps she'd even brush it off as an inconvenience. 

Jim began to groan even when the contraction stopped. “It... it burns....”

“Jim?”

“It's... stretching me it... oh... fucking--.....ah-- _aah_ nnnngh _god"_ she gasped “It's... it's coming out, can you see it?”

Spock blinked at her, then looked, he saw nothing, but when he reached down between her legs once more... indeed there was a foreign texture where her birth canal should be.... It felt slippery, like a fish. Or a child fresh from the womb, it was their baby's head. Jim wasn't yet crowning, Spock knew it would be the worst of the labor. Jim hadn't asked it of him but he wished to rid her of the pain, if he was allowed one critical moment to do that, her crowning would be it. As Jim's breathing escalated he took her hand and opened the channels so as to absorb her physical sensations.

“Spock?.... Spock what are.... No, no stop! You--” but it was too late. The pain was flowing from her mind to his, as a river is want to flow to the ocean, it wouldn't go back without one of them severing the connection. He had never felt like he had a vagina before and yet it was so clear in his mind, as if he could step right into a female body like an old pair of shoes. A familiar orifice normally so small and discrete being stretched to the point of burning, bulging with an oversized cargo, crushing all surrounding tubes, organs, and nerves. It was a point of explosion and a point he felt as though he would rip open. He let out a soft cry as he collapsed on the floor.

“Spock!” Jim leaned over the tub, watching her husband. “Don't you fucking do this to me now, I need you!” she, on the other hand was really crowning with a real baby who needed someone to support its head as it escaped her body. This wasn't something she could just stop because daddy decided to take mommy's vagina for a test-drive.

“Spock. GET UP.” she growled as Spock blinked into awareness. He sat up, slowly realizing where in the birth he was. That rush of agony, splitting pain, tissue tearing under the bulge of its payload with the promise of more still to come. It was almost over... crowning, yes, Jim was...

“The sensations you are enduring are... without words, Ashayam. I underestimated you when I said you were doing marvelously.”

“Try doing it for ten hours, save me the lip service, fucking help me!” her glare was enough to tell Spock everything she meant. His gesture, while having meaning for himself, was poorly timed and ultimately left her alone in a pivotal moment. Indeed in his short lapse, Jim had managed to push the baby's crown out of her. It was nearly done, though she sat in an awkward position, slumped forward, knees apart, supporting the head with her own hands. Inwardly Spock chided himself, that was a poor decision on his part to mentally leave his partner. He simply hadn't expected to react so strongly to Jim's sensations. 

_A thousand apologies, my ashaya. Forgive me._

He reached into the water, relieving his wife, holding his child's head. Jim sat back, holding fast to the tub's rim as she pushed once more. With a little gentle tugging and some shifting, Spock could pull the baby out in one smooth glide. Seconds, mere seconds and the child was free. Jim sighed in relief, panting and laying back against the tub, Spock pulled their child from the water, marveling at the tiny body still slippery and corded to Jim's uterus.

“Let me... let me see.” Jim reached forward and Spock gently placed the infant in her arms. Instantly his wife was another persona, sans swearing and angry frustration, it was as if she had never even been in pain. She cooed to the newborn who, once Spock took the bulb plunger to the mouth and nose, finally cleared its airways and began to softly cry. He watched fascinated by the sight, feeling as his wife's mind changed before him, what had been turbulence and pain was now soft light, warmth, love, elation... _my baby, my sweet baby, oh my baby my babymybabymybaby. I love you so much. Mommy loves you so much._

A fog came around his mind, he could see only them, his wife and child. He and Jim looked at each other, sharing hopeless looks, Spock smiled then, reaching forward to kiss his wife... and stroke the head of their baby. Suddenly he realized... he hadn't checked the gender. 

“I... totally forgot.” Jim chuckled. “Too much excitement.” she leaned the baby away from her. A girl. Spock was filled with joy, watching his daughter squirm, crying for mother's attention once more. Jim held her close, cooing to her again though she cried with no end in sight. It was a good exercise, Spock was relieved she was getting her lungs acclimated to oxygen. That thought reminded him he had a lot of work to be doing. Suddenly he was aware of all the tools he'd brought with him, all sitting in order of intended use waiting for him. Spock was caught staring to his side at them as if in wonder. All these things had such a premeditated purpose, who knew he'd be floored by the birth of his child and forget everything? He took a slow meditative breath and began with lab-precision muscle memory. He picked up a needle and drew a blood sample straight from the umbilical cord, then clamped it and cut it. 

“Should I... do you need me to...”

“No, Ashaya. You have worked hard enough, I will handle the rest.” he was glad he could finally contribute some real help honestly. 

“You know it's not over yet...” right, the placenta had to come out. Jim wasn't looking forward to that gross thing. Surely Spock would be interested in it, she hoped he wouldn't go into depth about how prominent its veins were or how oddly symmetrical it was. 

“We have several minutes until that happens.” he administered drops into their daughter's eyes, taking her from his wife then, Spock set her on a small lab scale, just large enough for her... she was eight pounds and twelve ounces. He measured her length and width, counted the digits on each hand and foot.... he started to rub her hand between two fingers...

“Give her back.” Jim was watching over the tub's rim. She reached out for the girl. “Gimme that towel, I'll hold her.” Spock hesitated, a touch unwilling to part with his daughter after not even a full minute. Why did Jim get exclusive rights? She was his child too, just as new to him...

“Because I pushed her out of my vagina for ten hours, that's why.” she lifted the baby up and back against her chest in the tub. “besides, she needs to eat soon. Plus you need to help me with the next part.” 

“...Yes of course, Ashaya.” he'd already lapsed and forgotten about the afterbirth? He was reacting very erratically to the baby. After this he sorely needed to meditate.

“Don't pout. Once this is done I'll hose off and we can go to bed and I'll sleep, you can have her all to yourself then.” Jim was exhausted, even after such a quick labor. Spock prepared for the placental delivery, he had a medical waste container from the science labs he'd deposit it in, perhaps to study it on his own time later. He spent several minutes at Jim's side, arm around her shoulders marveling at the tiny child. She was still crying, her sensory overload was not going over well. Spock stroked her head, offering gentle calmness to sooth her. He deeply desired to reach into her mind and see what she was thinking, to introduce himself again as he had when he and Jim bonded with her. But that would overwhelm her even more, for now he had to wait for her to calm down and get comfortable with being outside Jim's womb. But the peace of future planning was broken as Jim began to groan once more.

“It's coming, help me.”

Without a word he removed himself from their warm embrace and assumed his position at her side. Jim sighed rather than moaned this time, two short contractions and it was complete. A bloody, scabbed, thick-veined placenta emerged, Jim made a point not to look at it.

“Well at least that was easy... hell that didn't even hurt.”

The bloody payload was quickly scooped out, Spock inspected it as he set it in a medical waste container.

“Indeed it looks rather pronounced, Jim.”

“I don't want to see it just take it away.”

“Would you be adverse to me studying it?”

_"Away."_

Spock tucked the medical grade airtight container into his bag. Now to deal with his wife. Jim was a mess, indeed the bath water was tinted by amniotic fluid and blood. Spock reached in to feel Jim's belly, making sure it was still contracted. The uterus had to remain flexed to tighten the blood vessels the placenta ripped open when is separated, in order to stop the bleeding from within. 

“Did you experience any tearing, aduna?”

“I dunno... feel me.” in giving that command, Jim felt grateful for her husband, someone she was comfortable with seeing her this vulnerable and would allow to touch her body, not just in a sexual manner. People often refer to whoever they are just sleeping with but Spock really was her partner. She was relieved he was here, as upset and nervous as she'd been, he was a hero during the whole thing, never letting failure enter her mind. Not that failure was even a remote possibility.

“...I will use the dermal regenerator anyway. Try to relax.” it felt like a tampon going inside her and slowly her vaginal walls felt soothing relief, apparently she did tear a little. Spock finished that then drained the tub. 

“Refill it when that's done, pretty please.” she was exhausted beyond belief but Spock had gone to the trouble of keeping this mess in the bathroom. Nothing was quite as nice as a clean bed after a bath, she wanted to wash and be rid of all the fluid filth she was now covered in. Birthing is painted as a wholesome and innocent moment but in truth it looks like a gore movie or a murder. She was covered in blood and sweat and god knows what else. 

“... Allow me to wash you.” Spock was gentle as ever, as if he didn't notice her mess

“That's sweet but you need to hold her.” she offered the baby once the tub was full again. Spock took her gingerly, cradling her against his chest, blanketing her with a fresh dry towel. She was still crying softly so Spock hummed while Jim quickly bathed herself. He took the opportunity to give the baby a basic scan with his tricorder.

“How does she look?”

“All signs are nominal.” 

“Good. What are we going to call her?”

“Do you have any preference, Jim?”

“I had a few names in mind... but nothing I'm really set on. I figured when I saw her face I'd know.”

“And do you?”

“Maybe in a few days when I get to know her better... unless you have any ideas?”

“...If you are amenable, I would like to call her Mischa.”

“Mischa...”

“It is a name I discovered months ago and out of thousands of names that one has remained in my mind. I have come to enjoy it deeply.”

“Mischa...”

“I believe it is flattering for any age, and it is well suited for a professional.”

“Hmmm...” 

“You do not approve?”

“Let me think about it...” _Mischa pick your toys up, Mischa stop running, Good girl Mischa, Happy Birthday Mischa, Mischa Kirk...M.D. Mischa Kirk... attorney at law... Mischa Kirk..._

“Then I'll pick her middle name.”

“You wish to use Mischa as her primary name?”

“I like it.” Jim nodded with a smile. “It's different so she won't be one of a dozen anywhere she goes. It's elegant... kind of mysterious, kind of badass.” 

“I had hoped you would approve. What of her secondary name?”

“I need time to think about that one.” Jim pulled the drain on her bath and Spock handed her the baby. He draped his wife in a towel, dried her off, and carried her to their bed. Jim offered Mischa her breast and the baby ate her first meal. All was peaceful. Jim watched the baby in awe, Spock eyed them both, blown away at what had just happened. His t'hy'la was the strongest being he'd met in his life, capable of delivering her baby alone, he was certain she would have done just as splendidly without his help. 

“I'd never have made it on my own.” Jim looked up from Mischa. “I'd have done everything I could to get to a hospital, I'd have had her in the car or the ER, wouldn't dare do it alone.”

“I still believe you did splendidly, Jim.”

“Well we're both ok so that's good enough in my book.” She pet her daughter's head. “She's got some hair, feel it.” Spock reached over, gently petting Mischa's scalp with the most feather-light touch he could muster. Indeed there was a barely-there layer of hair over her head, surely destined to fall out and be replaced by thicker follicles over time. 

“I wonder what pigment she will possess.”

“I think yours... you see it? It's dark already, if she were blonde like me you wouldn't see her hair at all... look at her...”

“I am seeing her, Jim...”

“She's got your ears.” 

“Indeed she does.”

“She's got your eyes.”

“Same as my mother's... yes.”

“You're not happy about that?”

“I am searching for similar characteristics to you, Ashayam.”

“Oh whatever. She came out of me, that's enough for me. She looks just like you, just like I wanted!” Jim beamed, Spock blinked. 

“I was unaware you had such a desire.”

“Well there was no point talking about it, there was nothing I could do either way. We got what we got...but I got what I wanted. So did you, yeah?”

“What do you mean?”

“You wanted a girl.”

“Negative. I desired a child that is healthy, gender is of no consequence to me.”

“Yes you've said that. But I caught you staring at the girl sections when we were shopping for her nursery plenty of times. And I know you browsed way more girl names than boy. You wanted a girl and you got one, be happy.”

“I admit I am overjoyed to have her, but I would have been just as thrilled with a son.”

“Would have been. But don't have to be.” Mischa finished eating, releasing Jim's nipple out of her mouth. Without missing a beat Jim tossed a nearby towel over her shoulder and raised the baby up, patting her back. 

“How was that, that taste good?” she looked to her husband. “You think if she finishes on one side if that one will be smaller than the other? I'll just walk around lopsided?” she chuckled while Spock furrowed his brows. “I'll have to pad my bra.” she laughed then, still patting the baby.

“I do not take your meaning... You imply that Mischa's milk consumption could alter the size of your breasts?”

“I know they won't but... just think... like... when she's done I just have a shriveled balloon left...” she fought through the giggles to speak to him, her face grew red as she tried to stifle herself so she could finish burping the baby.

“Ashaya I believe you are suffering from overexhaustion, you appear to be giddy.”

“What tipped you off?... don't answer that.” she finished burping Mischa and wiped her face. “No seconds?....sloppy seconds?”she giggled again. Spock reached in. 

“Allow me to take the child.” Jim pouted at him, holding Mischa away from his reach. 

“Heeey....I didn't even get to say goodnight.” her face softened as she regarded her newborn. “G'night baby girl. I love you, I'm so glad you're here...” she kissed her head and rubbed her hand between two fingers. “If you want something.... you just bug your daddy. Just no calling for room service.” she chuckled again and handed Mischa to Spock. “I sound like a dorky dad or something.”

“You should rest, Jim. You are neither a male or fitting such a derogatory term.”

“I know. “ she laid down, closing her eyes. “If she needs to eat just....wake me up...” in minutes she was gone. Spock had already decided he'd settle for feeding Mischa a bottle to spare Jim the trouble of waking up. For now he had time with his k'diwa, all his. He could sense the unfairness in his favor now. Jim had an hour with her newborn, he had all night if he wanted. As soon as he was sure Jim was peacefully asleep, Spock leaned over and kissed her brow softly. 

_Thank you_

He carried Mischa into her nursery and sat with her in the rocking chair. Her eyes were getting heavy, her mouth expanded into a wide dark oval without warning, completing her very first yawn. Spock was thoroughly charmed. 

“Sleep, K'diwa. You've had a very busy day.” the sound of his voice was enough to garner her attention. She looked at him with tired black eyes. Tiny yet beautifully dark, the dim lamps he had turned on in the room sparkled in her eyes and with the pitch black background, they looked like the night sky...They looked like space. He could get lost in those eyes and for whole minutes he did. He and his daughter staring eye to eye until she slowly closed hers and fell asleep. Spock would remain there for hours rocking her, trying to process the day and how proud he was of his wife... and how in love he was with their daughter.

**Author's Note:**

> I studied a lot of articles about birth. I like to think of myself as someone who is dedicated to realistic portrayal of things, as much as I am able. However I know some of the labor you just read isn't totally spot on and the breastfeeding certainly isn't in keeping with average time scales for a real birth. 
> 
> I will do better next time!


End file.
